Thinking about you. . .
In the wake of learning of Anthony Bourdain’s death this morning, my heart is heavy with deep sadness and so much love for those we’ve lost to suicide and those of us left to make sense of it all. Some of us have been intimately affected by the death of someone close, some because we have a friend who lost someone, some by the loss of those we “knew” from a distance through the impact of their talents, and ALL of us affected energetically by the loss of connection and opportunity with these loved ones. Whether we recognize it or not, when one of our beloved humans is lost to suicide, our humanity and our souls are significantly impacted. We feel it in our bones and in our souls.
It’s curious to me, in a disheartening and desperate way, to know that we can feel so separate from one another when in fact we are all connected on the deepest of levels. We are made up of the same complex cellular make up, you and I. We are flesh and blood. We are stardust. If you believe in God or a higher power, we are made in that image. We are tied to each other in our light, our darkness, our humanity, and our souls. We are physicality. We are consciousness. We are heart. We are miracles made manifest!
We all struggle. We all triumph. We bravely move forward every day when all seems lost. We forget how to hold ourselves and each other up. We compassionately support and love ourselves and each other. We ask for help and we don’t. We receive it and we don’t. We forget that to be vulnerable is strength at its essence. We believe we are alone. We never are. We find a way. We have the right to choose. We courageously do. We are brilliant. We are fallible. We are human. Imperfectly perfectly human.
As I sit here and write, reflecting on my own experience with the loss of my late husband to suicide six and half years ago, along with this week’s deaths of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, and a friend of a friend, I find myself feeling the weight of it all and at the same time hopeful that we will all rise to the occasion and create space for each of us who need help. I read today that there has been a 25% increase in death by suicide over the past two decades. This means something has got to give. It’s time. We don’t have to suffer like this. Suffering can be eased through creating more human connection and developing skills for mental and emotional wellness. Mental health isn’t only the absence of mental illness, but the development and utilization of our minds, emotions and actions in an increased and productive way.
Emotional support (through effective therapy and/or coaching), healthy eating, mindfulness techniques, physical activity and human connection (real, face-to-face contact) are all essential components to living a well-rounded healthy life. While we have more ability to “connect” through social media and the internet, we aren’t connecting at a soulful heart level, really SEEING people and ENGAGING in each other’s lives. We move at a pace that leaves us thinking we don’t have time for connection or that we don’t need it, but the truth is that we DO, more than ever!
We are on this planet to connect, to grow, to evolve and to transform. Without true soulful human connection, we are NOT able to do that. What’s more, is if we don’t understand how our minds work and how to use them to our advantage, we can lose ourselves in the difficult thoughts and emotions created. We are here to experience it all. . . the good, the bad, the ugly, the brilliant, but we have to know how to manage it.
We typically aren’t taught how to do this within our educational or professional institutions. Much of what is taught there and through our culture is that you’ve got to stand on your own two feet, to strive to be the best, to rise above the competition at any cost, to be strong and figure it out alone, and to ignore your feelings and think logically. We’re taught that others are responsible for the way we feel, that we’re responsible for how others feel, and that external situations are what cause our pain and/or happiness. We are shown that to put on a happy face is the ONLY RIGHT WAY TO BE. We’re taught that if you’re not feeling happy all the time there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. We’re fed a line that to be successful means you can NEVER fail and that failure is social death.
I can assure you, none of this is further from the truth. These are simply OLD ways of thinking and OLD belief systems that we DO NOT have to believe. There is in fact a different way to approach all of this. Changing our mindset to believe differently isn’t always easy, but I am certain from my experience, as well as the results my clients are cultivating for themselves, the outcome of this shift in thinking yields FAR BETTER results than you can ever imagine.
The truth is that you can experience ANY emotion and each one is completely acceptable. Yes, even those we deem to be “negative”. Our emotions share information with us. They have messages about what we like, what we don’t, what we want and how we want to be. Our willingness to feel and listen to any emotion gives us the ability to confidently move through this life. When we understand that our feelings come from our thoughts and that they are simply a vibration within our body as a direct result of the thoughts we’re thinking, we can release the idea that we are at the mercy of our circumstances and that our feelings have power over us, and we begin to reclaim control over our lives. In fact, in learning these skills we learn how to use our thoughts to create the emotions we want to take us where we want to go.
It all begins by connecting with yourself and uncovering the courage and vulnerability to ask for help. By reaching out and sharing your story, allowing yourself to be SEEN, showing your HEART, connecting at a SOULFUL level, and being willing to learn a new way of BEING, you open yourself up to feel COMFORT, JOY, LOVE and CONNECTION. This is the source of ALL well-being.
YOU ARE LOVED.
YOU ARE WORTHY.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
WE ARE ALL CONNECTED.
WE ARE BEAUTIFULLY, HEART-ACHINGLY, IMPERFECTLY, PERFECTLY HUMAN.
This is my love letter to you. . . and to all of humanity.
With deep and abiding love,
I’m here for you. Let’s spend some time talking about what’s going on, where you’d like to be and how you can get there. I’d love to talk to you, to get to know you and to offer you some support. I offer a free 30-minute coaching session for this very reason. Find a time that works for you using the “Schedule Your Session” link below.