By Kathryn Green
Categories: Empowerment, Feelings, Life Coaching, Suicide Loss

My heart was broken.
He was gone.
There was nothing I could do to change it.
The sadness was everywhere.
I couldn’t believe it.
I didn’t want to believe it.
No one did.

It was undoubtedly the most heart wrenching situation I had ever been through.

Why had he taken his own life? What caused it? Why had he chosen that as the solution?

The questions were hard to answer. How would I ever know?

I knew he was in pain. I didn’t know the depths of it. I knew he was trying to get through it. I didn’t know when he stopped.

I lost him. We all did.

It was devastating. I wasn’t sure what life was going to be like. I wanted answers. I wanted to feel whole again, but I wasn’t sure I even knew what that was. I didn’t know how I was I ever going to move beyond this.

I was left to pick up the pieces, but how would I ever put the puzzle back together again?

And yet, even in this, a path unfolds when you are open to it. I found a way.

Through the support of friends, family and a few mentors, coaches and teachers, I began to navigate through the questions, the confusion, the emotions and the uncertainty. The answers came as I simply (although not always easily) let myself be in the experience of the emotions without expectation of the outcome or without attempting to push the feelings away. When I realized that the variety and frequency of emotions was all very “normal” and that I didn’t have to expect “perfection” of myself in navigating this process, I found relief. I allowed myself to explore and question. I looked for options, possibilities, philosophies, theories and practices to help me along the way.

I didn’t go through it alone. I asked for help.

Little by little, step by step, I began the renovation of my life.

  • I learned how to feel what I was feeling and not ignore or push it away. It is a daily practice. Feelings come and go. I learned to be with them and to listen to the messages they offer. I began to understand the shame, the blame, the guilt, the anger. I began to feel peace, confidence, understanding, and compassion.
  • I decided to take a hard look at my life – what was working and what wasn’t. I wanted to know what I could change and what I wanted more of. I made adjustments to my thoughts and my behaviors to create new opportunities for myself.
  • I developed an understanding of how to feel empowered to create and live my life on my terms. I stopped looking for someone else to take responsibility and found my own power.
  • I let go of beliefs that felt dis-empowering and created new ones that feel more in line with who I was and who I want to be. I realized the importance of uncovering who I am and letting more of that shine through.

In the renovation of my life, I kept the foundation solidly rooted in knowing on a deep level that I can handle whatever comes my way. There’s a resiliency that helps to put the puzzle together when the pieces become warn, broken or lost. This puzzle is one that gets put together, torn apart and reassemble with old pieces and new many, many times.

It’s important to remember that pain and difficulty are a part of everyone’s life. None of us is immune. What matters most is knowing you will find your way to the other side. It’s knowing you have resources to help you and resources within you to come back stronger than ever. This is resilience and it includes accepting what is, looking at life optimistically, paying attention to and regulating emotions and viewing “failure” as a teacher for how to move forward. In this, you will be able pick up the pieces, to change course, and reconstruct the beautifully messy puzzle of your life.

Your journey is yours, but you don’t have to walk the path alone.

If you’re ready to change the way you think about your story and you’re interested in finding a formula for feeling better, I would love to meet with you for a free 30-minute mini-coaching session. You’ll learn how to start feeling better right away and more about how empowerment coaching can help you get to where you want to be!

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