I’m curious. Do you do this too? Do you have a not-so-fabulous belief about yourself that you defend with “it’s just who I am” and “it’s just the way it is”?
It seems like a fair defense, right? I know myself. Isn’t that a good thing? Well, not in this case. In this case, the “knowing” is used as a way to stay “safe” and ultimately restricts growth, transformation and even fun!
Here’s one of my not-so-fabulous beliefs that I’ve held onto for so long, until just recently!
“I don’t like networking. I’m not a joiner of groups, clubs, etc. I prefer deeper conversations that don’t happen in big groups. I’m uncomfortable in big groups. I have a hard time connecting with people this way. I’m an introvert. I like being alone. If I have to be in a group, I’ll make the best of it, but it’s not fun. It’s just the way it is. It’s just who I am.”
I think this belief started sometime in junior high and has gotten significantly more and more pronounced as I’ve continued to believe it about myself. Yes, I go to parties and events. I’ve had to all of my life for personal and professional reasons. Large networking situations, birthdays and receptions, meetings, etc. I do it, but there’s been minimal enjoyment.
In the last year or so, this “truth” has been really bothering me. Stating “it’s just who I am” and “it’s just the way it is” didn’t give me ANY peace or satisfaction. Rather, I felt frustrated, irritated and even angry with myself and my experiences. Why did I find it so difficult? Why couldn’t I rise above it? What was wrong with me?
I kept asking myself these questions and FINALLY I decided to answer them. Do you know what it boiled down to?
That’s it. I was afraid of not fitting in, of people not liking me, of saying the wrong thing or not saying anything of value at all. I was SO concerned about myself that I struggled to feel connected to others, to be engaged in conversation and curious about them, which created a very uncomfortable scenario.
When I allowed myself to openly and honestly evaluate what was happening, I asked myself three questions:
With that there was just one more question. How was I going to get the results I wanted?
While I didn’t yet believe that these types of events could be fun regularly or that I was going to be able to stop the current negative beliefs, I knew that I was ready for them to shift. So…
I decided to commit to the belief that I could enjoy group settings.
I decided to commit to the belief that I create connections with people and that it would be fun doing it.
I decided to commit to the belief that I could do it.
I decided to commit to the belief that I fit in wherever I am.
Committing to believing what I wanted was the way to begin to shift when I didn’t fully believe it yet.
This process, by definition, allows you to (commit) carry into action deliberately a (belief) habit of mind in which trust and confidence is placed in someone or something.
I’ve used the statements above over the last month when I’ve attended networking meetings, a reception, a conference and when I joined two online groups, and guess what? I’m beginning to believe I can enjoy group settings. I’m beginning to believe that I can create deep connections and have fun while I’m doing it. I’m beginning to believe that I can be successful in large groups. I’m beginning to feel like I fit into any situation I’m in.
I’m beginning to believe these things, because I’m seeing the positive results I want! I love this process.
Decide. Commit. Believe.
What are you going to decide to commit to believe?
With love & grace,
P.S. If you feel like you’re at the mercy of your story and can’t seem to find your way out, but you want to with every part of your being, you are in the right place. We can do this together. You’ll be able to reset your story so that you can reclaim your life with confidence, compassion and courage! It is absolutely all within your grasp.
It’s a process.
It’s not always easy.
It’s extremely revealing.
It’s ultimately empowering.
It is SO worth it! AND so are YOU!
Join me for a free 30-minute session so we can talk about what’s going on for you and how we can work together to get you where you want to be and beyond! It’s the first step on this next phase of your journey.
I can’t wait to meet you!