Over the past several years I’ve heard the advice that what other people think of you is none of your business. At first I was a bit irritated by this notion. If someone is thinking something about me than of course it’s my business, it’s about me, right? But as I considered it on a deeper level, I began to realize that it’s really about allowing others to have their own opinions without making those opinions alter what I think about myself.
What’s happening when we are concerned about what other people think, is completely related to our own sense of self – who we are, what we believe, and the judgments we hold. Interestingly, our concern about what others think of us isn’t about the other person at all. Rather, it has everything to do with what we think of ourselves.
When we’re unsure of ourselves or the beliefs we hold, we allow what other people think to dictate what we think, how we feel, and what we do or don’t do. In this scenario, the results we get in our lives we get by thinking, feeling and acting from a place of what OTHERS want or think of us. When we do this we are relinquishing our power to the other person. We get further and deeper into self-doubt and limiting beliefs.
Another curious part about caring what they think, is that more often than not we are imagining what they’re thinking. We show up somewhere and we see someone do or say something, and we interpret it to mean something about us. Even when people actually tell us what they think, it’s possible that they don’t really think it and even if they do, why is it that we care so much?
Some of the answers to this are:
“I respect them”.
“I value their opinion”.
“I don’t have as much experience as they do”.
“I want them to like me”.
“I want them to think I’m doing the right thing.”
Do you see how these answers are focused on what other people believe about us so we can feel good? This is external seeking of our self-worth. If our own self-worth comes from other people, we are going to be searching, adjusting and adapting for the rest of our lives. It’s an elusive and subjective goal to have. It’s a moving target!
THE GOOD NEWS? It is possible to shift into an internal focus of self-worth.
It comes when you decide that what you believe and think about yourself is MORE important that what others do. It comes when you let go of your preconceived notions, judgments and limiting beliefs about yourself. This process is about developing a clear awareness of the thoughts you’re having and how they’re creating the results you get in your life. It’s about learning to really understand your mind and how it works.
It’s not working against you, it’s just been working without your consistent and deliberate supervision. Your mind is doing what it has been designed to do, but when we’re not watching it and helping it along, it goes rogue and takes you to so many undesired destinations!
Occasionally, the unconscious thoughts and beliefs your brain has take you places you want to go. In these cases, you’ll equally want to pay attention and become aware of these, so you can see how well your brain works in both realms.
There is so much power in becoming aware of what you think! And once you do, you can begin to guide your brain away from thoughts that are causing negative results in your life. You do this by interrupting the old thoughts with new, believable and more desirable thoughts. The idea is simple, but it has to be put into practice! It’s like most things…to become an expert it takes consistent practice and repetition.
Trust me…it’s well worth your effort! It changes EVERYTHING!
Do you struggle with wondering and being consumed by what others think of you? I understand and have been there! I still go through it sometimes, but I’ve learned how to turn my thoughts around. If you want to build more self-confidence and become more of who you are and less of what you think others want you to be, let’s chat! I offer a free 30-minute coaching session so we can talk about what’s going on and how I can help you get what you want. You can find a time that works for you using the “Schedule Your Session” link below.